【公開課課件】讀后續(xù)寫：一次感恩友情的演講

Continuationwriting一次

一次感恩友情的演講Keywordsandphrasesannouncedourassignmentuponhearingitcouldn’thelpcomplainingtoMareyagetstagefrightbebotheredbyfiguredoutwhattosayI’dmessupwitheveryonestaringatme宣布了我的作業(yè)一聽到....忍不住抱怨有舞臺恐懼被...所困擾弄明白說什么我會弄糟的大家都盯著我Keywordsandphrasesscribbledsomethingonapieceofpapergiggledheldthepictureuptoherearworkedonourtalkstogether在紙上潦草地畫了東西咯咯笑把圖片放在耳邊一起

弄演講Difficultsentences1.Butonethingaboutreallygoodfriendswhoknewyoureallywellwasthattheydidn'talwaysdoexactlywhatyouaskedthemto.

但真正了解你的好朋友有一點是，他們并不總是完全按照你的要求去做。2.Mareyacouldbeprettypushytalkingofbeinghelpful.

說起幫助別人時，瑪麗亞有時會非常積極/熱心/熱情洋溢。DifficultparagraphsButonethingaboutreallygoodfriendswhoknewyoureallywellwasthattheydidn'talwaysdoexactlywhatyouaskedthemto.Mareyacouldbeprettypushytalkingofbeinghelpful.Shescribbled(潦草地寫)somethingonapieceofpaper,liftedmyhood,andsmiled.She'ddrawnafunnyelephantwiththewordBREATHEcomingoutofitstrunk.“ThisisFranky,the'everything'sgoingtobeallright’elephant.”Mareyagiggled.Sheheldthepictureuptoherearandasked,“What'sthatyousay,Franky?YouthinkmyfriendArizonashouldcomeovertomyhousethisweekendsowecanworkonourtalkstogether?”WhoisFranky?WhoisArizona?WhatdoesMareyameanbysaying“theunderlinedsentences?FrankyisanelephantdrawnbyMareya.Arizonaisthewriterherself.

MareyaisinvitingthewritertoherhousetohelpArizonawithhertalkinafunnyandwarmway.Majorproblemsinplot1.未看懂Arizona就是作者自己，所以第一段增加了一個人物“Arizona”.2.未看懂Arizona就是作者自己，也就未能準確理解第一個段首句,就出現(xiàn)

了

首段的場景是發(fā)生在教室里等情況。

Para5“ThisisFranky,the'everything'sgoingtobeallright’elephant.”Mareyagiggled.Sheheldthepictureuptoherearandasked,“What'sthatyousay,Franky?YouthinkmyfriendArizonashouldcomeovertomyhousethisweekendsowecanworkonourtalkstogether?”

Para6Andthat

wasexactlywhathappened.Whatdoes“that”referto?Twofriends’workingontheirtalkstogetheratArizona’shouse

重視對所給原文的最后一段。最后一段往往是故事高潮走向回落的轉折點。

Attheendoftheclass,Mr.SmithannouncedourassignmentforthenextMondaywastotalkaboutsomeoneweweregratefultoinsteadofabookreport.Uponhearingit,Icouldn'thelpcomplainingtoMareyathatIwassonervousabouthavingtotalkinfrontofthewholeclass.“You'vebeeninatleastthreeplays,”Mareyapointedout.“Ifyoudon'tgetstagefrightinfrontofthosebigaudiences,whyareyoubotheredbyafewkidsinourclass?”Itwastrue,butinaplayyouwerepartofagroup.Ishookmyhead.Plus,thereweresomanypeopleIwasgratefulto.TherewasnowayIcouldpossiblypickjustone.Plus,evenifIpickedoneI'dhavenoideawhattosay.Plus,evenifIfiguredoutwhattosay,Iwasamillion-percentpositiveI'dmessupifItriedtosayitoutloud!I'dbestandingtherewitheveryonestaringatme,waitingforwordstocomeoutofmymouth.“Oh,mygoodness!”Ipulledmysweatshirthood(兜帽)overmyface,putmyhandsovermyearsandsaid,“Idon'twanttotalkaboutit!"Butonethingaboutreallygoodfriendswhoknewyoureallywellwasthattheydidn'talwaysdoexactlywhatyouaskedthemto.Mareyacouldbeprettypushytalkingofbeinghelpful.Shescribbled(潦草地寫)somethingonapieceofpaper,liftedmyhood,andsmiled.She'ddrawnafunnyelephantwiththewordBREATHEcomingoutofitstrunk.“ThisisFranky,the'everything'sgoingtobeallright’elephant.”Mareyagiggled.Sheheldthepictureuptoherearandasked,“What'sthatyousay,Franky?YouthinkmyfriendArizonashouldcomeovertomyhousethisweekendsowecanworkonourtalkstogether?”Andthatwasexactlywhathappened...................................................................................................OnMondaymorning,however,IdecidedtotalkaboutMareya.........................................................Part1(1-3)problem

sonervousaboutthepresentationnextMonday

Itwastrue,butinaplayyouwerepartofagroup.Ishookmyhead.Plus,thereweresomanypeopleIwasgratefulto.TherewasnowayIcouldpossiblypickjustone.Plus,evenifIpickedoneI'dhavenoidea

whattosay.Plus,evenifIfiguredoutwhattosay,Iwasamillion-percentpositiveI'dmessup

ifItriedtosayitoutloud!I'dbestandingtherewitheveryonestaringatme,waitingforwordstocomeoutofmymouth.“Oh,mygoodness!”Ipulledmysweatshirthood(兜帽)overmyface,putmyhandsovermyearsandsaid,“Idon'twanttotalkaboutit!"心理

動作

語言

sonervous

aboutthepresentationnextMonday

Attheendoftheclass,Mr.SmithannouncedourassignmentforthenextMondaywastotalkaboutsomeoneweweregratefultoinsteadofabookreport.Uponhearingit,Icouldn'thelpcomplainingtoMareyathatIwassonervousabouthavingtotalkinfrontofthewholeclass.“You'vebeeninatleastthreeplays,”Mareyapointedout.“Ifyoudon'tgetstagefrightinfrontofthosebigaudiences,whyareyoubotheredbyafewkidsinourclass?”Itwastrue,butinaplayyouwerepartofagroup.Ishookmyhead.Plus,thereweresomanypeopleIwasgratefulto.TherewasnowayIcouldpossiblypickjustone.Plus,evenifIpickedoneI'dhavenoideawhattosay.Plus,evenifIfiguredoutwhattosay,Iwasamillion-percentpositiveI'dmessupifItriedtosayitoutloud!I'dbestandingtherewitheveryonestaringatme,waitingforwordstocomeoutofmymouth.“Oh,mygoodness!”Ipulledmysweatshirthood(兜帽)overmyface,putmyhandsovermyearsandsaid,“Idon'twanttotalkaboutit!"Butonethingaboutreallygoodfriendswhoknewyoureallywellwasthattheydidn'talwaysdoexactlywhatyouaskedthemto.Mareyacouldbeprettypushytalkingofbeinghelpful.Shescribbled(潦草地寫)somethingonapieceofpaper,liftedmyhood,andsmiled.She'ddrawnafunnyelephantwiththewordBREATHEcomingoutofitstrunk.“ThisisFranky,the'everything'sgoingtobeallright’elephant.”Mareyagiggled.Sheheldthepictureuptoherearandasked,“What'sthatyousay,Franky?YouthinkmyfriendArizonashouldcomeovertomyhousethisweekendsowecanworkonourtalkstogether?”Andthatwasexactlywhathappened...................................................................................................OnMondaymorning,however,IdecidedtotalkaboutMareya.........................................................Part1(1-3)problem

Part1(4-7)solution

WiththehelpofMareyanervousaboutthepresentationnextMondaysogratefultoMareyaThemePreciousfriendshipbetweenclassmates

Majorproblemsinwriting1.續(xù)寫第一段，進門部分描寫過多，沒有具體Mareya幫助作者的過程，

導致主次顛倒。2.續(xù)寫第二段，一是與所給段首句的銜接不當。二是語言平淡，不能

讓讀者深刻感受到作者對Mareya的感激之情。Paragraph1:

Andthatwasexactlywhathappened.MareyaandIsatatthedeskatthestudyinherhouseonSaturdayafternoon.Iaskedhercuriouslywhoshewouldpicktotalkabout.“Mygranda”.Sheblurtedout.Shetoldmeshewasgratefultohergrandma,whotookgreatpainstobringherupdespitepoorhealth.Fromherexcitedlookandgentletone,Icouldfeelherdeepgratitudeandloveforhergrandma.IwassoimmersedinhertalkthatIdidn'tnoticeshehadfinishedituntilshepattedmyshoulder.ShethensuggestedItalkaboutmymum.IfollowedheradviceasIhadnoothergoodideas.Shealsohelpedmeorganizemyideasandgavemepatientguidanceonmygestures,emotionsandeyecontactwhenpractisingthepresentationinherpresence.ShewassohelpfulthatIgotprepar