廣東省深圳市高三下學(xué)期一模英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫勇于修正錯(cuò)誤課件

2025深一模讀后續(xù)寫勇于彌補(bǔ)錯(cuò)誤1

ThecarturnedontothefamiliarroadthatledtoGrandma'sfarm.“Jude,thissummerholidaywillbeagreatchanceforyoutostaywithyourgrandma,”Dadsaidashedrove.Everymoment,weweremovingfartherawayfromthecity,theplacewhereIknewhowtodothingsright.2

Thecarenginewasn'toffbeforeGrandmahuggedme.Islowlydraggedmyselfoutofthecar."Jude,youlookunhappy.Why?"Grandmaasked.Sheactedlikenothingbadhadhappenedlasttime.CouldIaskhowmuchmoneyherneighborMr.Jacksonhadlostbecauseofmymistake?Washestillupsetwithme?“I'mfine,”Ianswered.“I'mjustmissingmycomputercamp.ComputersaresomethingI'mgoodat.”“Thatsoundsdisappointing,”Grandmanodded.3

IlikedvisitingthefarmduringbreaksbeforeImessedthingsuplastsummer.Grandmalivedalone,andMr.Jacksonwaslikefamilytoher.ThenonedayIforgottolockthegateandletthegoatsintohisflowerbeds.Helostalmostallhisrosesforthefarmers'market.4

Now,backatthefarm,Ifeltnervous.IwastryingtohideintheroomwhenIsawMr.Jackson!HewasopeningthedoorandcallingGrandma.“Ineedhelp!”heyelledtoher.“Justasecondforthefreshlyharvestedroses!”Thatwaswhenhesawme.Ifeltmyhearttightenandwasreadyforhiscriticism.Idescrvedit.Hehadprobablybeenwaitingforthismomentsincelastsummer.5

However,Mr.Jacksongreetedmehappily,“Great,Judeishere!Yourgrandmaalwaystellsusyouareawonderfullycompetent(有能力的)computerprogrammer.”Ishookmyhead.“Iamnotcompetent.IamsorryImessedthingsup.”Hewassurprisedandcomfortedme,“Itwasanaccident.Beingcompetentdoesn'tmeanyounevermakemistakes.”6

Ilookedoutofthewindow.Therewerepilesofroseswaitingtobesold.“Jude,canyouhelpus?Wewanttosellrosesonline.Wehaveacomputerandalltheparts(零件)forourinternetconnection,butwejustcan'tsetitup,”Grandmaasked.Nointernet.Theyseemedtoliveinthetwentiethcentury.續(xù)寫第一段：MaybeIcouldbesomeonewhowasreallycompetent.續(xù)寫第二段：Withinafewhours,ordersforrosesfloodedin.一、主旨?xì)w納

Theme總結(jié)主旨的方法找有深意的話（伏筆），進(jìn)行改寫與拓展摔壞的碗：“Thingsbreak,it’snotanyone’sfault.”Matt的盆栽：“Wecanstillhavetreesinthecity,”Mumsaid.“Althoughtheyarealittlebitdifferentfromtheonesinthecountryside.”、“Andwheretherearetrees,therearebirds,too.”Mattrepliedsoftly,givingathoughtfulnod.“Exactly,Matt.Thesebonsaihelpsbringnatureclosertous,whereverwelive.”Mattfeltlikethebonsaiandtheblackbirdhadmadeahomeinsidehisheart,bringingasenseofpeacetohisurbanlife,inanew,unexpectedform.總結(jié)主旨的方法

找有深意的話（伏筆），進(jìn)行改寫與拓展勇于彌補(bǔ)錯(cuò)誤：Beingcompetentdoesn'tmeanyounevermakemistakes.共同點(diǎn)：1.成年人講的

有第二層含義的話（鼓勵(lì)/寬慰/啟發(fā)等）2.很多時(shí)候都是“反說(shuō)”等待著你在主旨中“正說(shuō)”如摔壞的碗：原文：Thingsbreak,it’snotanyone’sfault.

主旨改寫：Thingsbreak,butlovedoesn’t,becauseloveliesinmutualunderstanding,supportandtolerance.總結(jié)主旨的方法找有深意的話（伏筆），進(jìn)行改寫與拓展勇于彌補(bǔ)錯(cuò)誤：Beingcompetentdoesn'tmeanyounevermakemistakes.正說(shuō)：Beingcompetentdoesn'tmeanyounevermakemistakes.It’sabout________________________________facingthemhead-on,havingtheabilitytolearnfromthem,fixingthemandmakingthingsrightwhengiventhechance.總結(jié)主旨的方法關(guān)注意象，往往與主旨強(qiáng)相關(guān)Matt與盆栽里的:Bonsai;blackbird摔碎的碗里的：thebrokenbowl圣誕節(jié)禮物的：boots;turkeyorham勇于承擔(dān)錯(cuò)誤里的：roses總結(jié)主旨的方法關(guān)注意象，往往與主旨強(qiáng)相關(guān)主旨再升級(jí)，加入意象：Beingcompetentdoesn'tmeanyounevermakemistakes.It’saboutfacingthemhead-on,havingtheabilitytolearnfromthem,fixingthemand_______________________.bloomingintosomethingbeautiful,justliketheroseswe’renowselling.“勇于彌補(bǔ)錯(cuò)誤”主旨總結(jié)Beingcompetentdoesn'tmeanyounevermakemistakes.Instead,itwasaboutfacingthemhead-on,havingtheabilitytolearnfromthem,fixingthemandbloomingintosomethingbeautiful,justliketheroseswe’renowselling.1.關(guān)注負(fù)面---正面（逃避問(wèn)題---直面解決---修復(fù)）2.關(guān)注有深意的話---改寫&拓展3.關(guān)注意象，深挖比喻二、伏筆發(fā)掘

foreshadowing1

ThecarturnedontothefamiliarroadthatledtoGrandma'sfarm.“Jude,thissummerholidaywillbeagreatchanceforyoutostaywithyourgrandma,”Dadsaidashedrove.Everymoment,weweremovingfartherawayfromthecity,theplacewhereIknewhowtodothingsright.2

Thecarenginewasn'toffbeforeGrandmahuggedme.Islowlydraggedmyselfoutofthecar."Jude,youlookunhappy.Why?"Grandmaasked.Sheactedlikenothingbadhadhappenedlasttime.CouldIaskhowmuchmoneyherneighborMr.Jacksonhadlostbecauseofmymistake?Washestillupsetwithme?“I'mfine,”Ianswered.“I'mjustmissingmycomputercamp.ComputersaresomethingI'mgoodat.”“Thatsoundsdisappointing,”Grandmanodded.3

IlikedvisitingthefarmduringbreaksbeforeImessedthingsuplastsummer.Grandmalivedalone,andMr.Jacksonwaslikefamilytoher.ThenonedayIforgottolockthegateandletthegoatsintohisflowerbeds.Helostalmostallhisrosesforthefarmers'market.4

Now,backatthefarm,Ifeltnervous.IwastryingtohideintheroomwhenIsawMr.Jackson!HewasopeningthedoorandcallingGrandma.“Ineedhelp!”heyelledtoher.“Justasecondforthefreshlyharvestedroses!”Thatwaswhenhesawme.Ifeltmyhearttightenandwasreadyforhiscriticism.Idescrvedit.Hehadprobablybeenwaitingforthismomentsincelastsummer.5

However,Mr.Jacksongreetedmehappily,“Great,Judeishere!Yourgrandmaalwaystellsusyouareawonderfullycompetent(有能力的)computerprogrammer.”Ishookmyhead.“Iamnotcompetent.IamsorryImessedthingsup.”Hewassurprisedandcomfortedme,“Itwasanaccident.Beingcompetentdoesn'tmeanyounevermakemistakes.”6

Ilookedoutofthewindow.Therewerepilesofroseswaitingtobesold.“Jude,canyouhelpus?Wewanttosellrosesonline.Wehaveacomputerandalltheparts(零件)forourinternetconnection,butwejustcan'tsetitup,”Grandmaasked.Nointernet.Theyseemedtoliveinthe

twentiethcentury.三、情節(jié)構(gòu)造

Plot續(xù)寫第一段：MaybeIcouldbesomeonewhowasreallycompetent.續(xù)寫第二段：Withinafewhours,ordersforrosesfloodedin.興奮、開心認(rèn)為是一個(gè)可以彌補(bǔ)的機(jī)會(huì)進(jìn)行網(wǎng)絡(luò)連接如釋重負(fù)

得到彌補(bǔ)上架玫瑰（必寫

否則無(wú)法與后文銜接）細(xì)節(jié)展開：拍攝、描述、標(biāo)價(jià)開始有人瀏覽+Grandma/Jackson感謝鋪墊主旨：不僅僅是連接網(wǎng)絡(luò)，更是_______?續(xù)寫第二段：Withinafewhours,ordersforrosesfloodedin.主旨：Beingcompetentdoesn'tmeanyounevermakemistakes.Instead,itwasaboutfacingthemhead-on,havingtheabilitytolearnfromthem,fixingthemandbloomingintosomethingbeautiful,justliketheroseswe’renowselling.興奮，為自己彌補(bǔ)錯(cuò)誤而驕傲玫瑰花賣掉+Grandma/Jackson感謝單薄的情節(jié)需要加入億點(diǎn)點(diǎn)細(xì)節(jié)?。。±m(xù)寫第二段：Withinafewhours,ordersforrosesfloodedin.主旨：Beingcompetentdoesn'tmeanyounevermakemistakes.Instead,itwasaboutfacingthemhead-on,havingtheabilitytolearnfromthem,fixingthemandbloomingintosomethingbeautiful,justliketheroseswe’renowselling.興奮，為自己彌補(bǔ)錯(cuò)誤而驕傲玫瑰花賣掉+Grandma/Jackson感謝細(xì)節(jié)展開：包裝玫瑰花(捆/包/圍住)結(jié)合Jackson的表情（眼、鼻、嘴、手臂、腳形容興奮）主旨四、細(xì)節(jié)描寫練習(xí)

VividDescriptions如何描寫上架玫瑰的細(xì)節(jié)？（拆解動(dòng)作+心理）1.拍照+上傳照片2.描述商品3.標(biāo)價(jià)加入億點(diǎn)點(diǎn)細(xì)節(jié)（情緒/心理）：Icarefullyselectedthebestpicturesoftheroses,makingsureeachoneshowcasedtheirvibrantcolorsanddelicatepetals.Withafewclicks,Iuploadedthemontothewebsite,addingdescriptionsthatmadetheflowerscomealiveonscreen,asifyoucouldalmostsmelltheirsweetfragrance.如何描寫包裝玫瑰花的過(guò)程？（拆解動(dòng)作+心理）pickedupapieceofpaper,foldeditaroundtheroses或：wrappedtheroseswithapaper如何描寫包裝玫瑰花的過(guò)程？（拆解動(dòng)作+心理）看圖說(shuō)話：tiedtherosestogetherwitharibbon組合起來(lái)：Shepickedupapieceofpaper,foldeditaroundtherosesandtiedtherosestogetherwitharibbon.加入億點(diǎn)點(diǎn)情緒/修飾：

Grandmabeamedasshepickedupapieceofdelicatewrappingpaper,gentlyfoldingitaroundtherosesandtiedthemtogetherwithgreatcare.五、范文

ModelEssay

MaybeIcouldbesomeonewhowasreallycompetent.“Sure!I’mgladtohelp,”Ireplied,feelingthatwasachancetofixmypastmistakes.(適時(shí)呼應(yīng)主題)FollowingGrandma,Iwentintotheroom,whereacomputersatsurroundedbysomescatteredparts.Ihadspentsomuchtimeatcomputercamps,soitdidn’ttakelongbeforeIhaditallworkinginaflash（很快）.“Done!”Iannouncedconfidentlywithabrightsmilebroadeningfromsidetoside.Theweightoftheprevioussummer’smistakeseemedtobeoffmy

shoulderastheinternetwasupandrunning.（記下“如釋重負(fù)”的表達(dá)）Nowitwastimetosetuptheironlinestoreandselltheroses.Iquicklyuploadedphotosofroses,addeddescriptions,andsetprices.(三連動(dòng))Beforelong,notificationsstartedpoppingup—peoplewerenoticing.“Youdidsuchagreatjob!”Mr.Jacksonexclaimedwithagrin,pat