英語小笑話大全.doc

英語小笑話大全1、He Won Tommy: How is your little brother Johnny Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window and he won. 他贏了 湯姆約翰尼你小弟弟好嗎 約翰尼他害病臥床了。他受了傷。 湯姆真糟糕怎么回事兒 約翰尼我們做游戲看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)他贏了。 2、I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked What happened A kid bit me replied Ivan. Would you recognize him if you saw him again asked his mother. Id know him any where said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket. 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問“發(fā)生了什么事” “一個男孩咬了我一口”伊凡說。 “再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎”媽媽問。 “他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他”伊凡說?！八亩溥€在我衣兜里呢?！?3、A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday I gave it to a poor old woman he answered. Youre a good boy said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給你的錢干什么了” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子”媽媽驕傲地說?！霸俳o你兩分錢?？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸敲锤信d趣呢” “她是個賣糖果的?！?4、Drunk One day a father and his little son were going home. At this age the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now he asked Whats the meaning of the word Drunk dad Well my son his father replied look there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk. But dad the boy said theres only ONE policeman 醉酒 一天父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道“爸爸醉字是什么意思” “唔孩子”父親回答說“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個那么我就算醉了?！?“可是爸爸 ”孩子說“那兒只有一個警察呀” 5、Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate. The visitor smiled put the cheese into his mouth and then said: You must have better eyes than your mother sonny. Where did you find the cheese In the rat-trap sir replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時家里沒有奶酪了于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒他拿著一片奶酪回到房間把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說“孩子你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪” “在捕鼠夾上先生。”那小男孩說。 6、Nest and Hair My sister a primary school teacher was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. What kind of bird my sister asked. I didnt see the bird ma am only the nest replied the child. Then can you give us a description of the nest my sister encouraged her . Well maam it just resembles your hair. Notes: 1 inform v.告訴 2 nest n.窩巢 3 description n.描述 4 encourage v.鼓勵 5 resemble v. 相似類似 7、鳥窩與頭發(fā) 我姐姐是一位小學(xué)老師。一次一個學(xué)生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。 “是什么鳥呢”我姐姐問她。 “我沒看到鳥兒老師只看到鳥窩。”那孩子回答說。 “那么你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎”我姐姐鼓勵她道。 “哦老師就像你的頭發(fā)一樣。” Ive Just Bitten My Tongue Are we poisonous the young snake asked his mother. Yes dear she replied - Why do you ask Cause Ive just bitten my tongue Notes: 1 poisonous adj.有毒的 2 Cause Ive just bitten my tongue 因?yàn)槲覄傄Я俗约旱纳囝^。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。 8、我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。 “是的親愛的”她回答說“你問這個干什么” “因?yàn)槲覄倓傄谱约旱纳囝^?！?A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York Citys Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate a plump middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her however she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure she winked at me and said Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet 9、摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正準(zhǔn)備扶她她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮(zhèn)定了一下對我擠了一下眉說道“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎” 10、Q: Whats the difference between a monkey and a flea A: A monkey can have fleas but a flea cant have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧 11、Q: How can you most irritate a farmer A: By treading on his corn 如果你踩了農(nóng)夫的玉米或是谷物他肯定會生氣的而如果你踩了農(nóng)夫腳底的雞眼他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”也有“雞眼”的意思。 12、Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因?yàn)閟nail蝸牛的后背上總是背著一所房子所以說蝸牛是世界上最強(qiáng)壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢 13、Q: What do people do in a clock factory A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀因?yàn)槌诉@個意思以外它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。 14、Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者sleepwalker夢游walk in his sleep呢最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法但如果讓夢游者醒著呢他的確就不會去夢游了。 15、He is really somebody - My uncle has 1000 men under him. - He is really somebody. What does he do - A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 - 我叔叔下面有1000個人。 - 他真是一個大人物。干什么的 - 墓地守墓人。 16、Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more uttering. Trust me Sir and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America. 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票看是否有假。 這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說“相信我先生也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元它們是從美國直接帶來的?！?17、my little dog cant read Mrs. Brown: Oh my dear I have lost my precious little dog Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers Mrs. Brown: Its no use my little dog cant read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人哦 親愛的我把珍愛的小狗給丟了 史密斯夫人可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊 布朗夫人沒有用的我的小狗不認(rèn)識字。” 18、Bring me the winner - Waiter this lobster has only one claw. - Im sorry sir. It must have been in a fight. - Well bring me the winner then. 給我那個打贏的吧 - 服務(wù)員 這個龍蝦只有一只爪。 - 對不起先生這只肯定打過架了。 - 哦 那給我那個打贏的吧。 19、The mean mans party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment he said Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open push with your foot. Why use my elbow and foot Well gosh was the reply Youre not coming empty-hangded are you 吝嗇鬼請客 一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說“你上到五樓找中間那個門然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后再用你的腳把門推開。” “為什么要用我的肘和腳呢” “你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪你總不會空著手來吧”吝嗇鬼回答。 20.Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning Johnny and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that Johnny: Well I suppose it was so dark that I didnt notice the other. 媽媽約翰尼我今天早上在櫥子里放了兩塊點(diǎn)心?，F(xiàn)在就剩下一塊了。你能解釋一下嗎 約翰尼嗯我想是因?yàn)槔锩嫣谖覜]看到另外那塊。幽默笑話 21.A little boy was practicing his violin while his father sat reading the newspaper. The family dog began to howl along dismally. Finally the father could endure the combination no more and said Cant you play something the